Full name: How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike

Author: Chuck Sambuchino Year: 2010 Rank: Rating: Original Rating: Pop Rating: Genres/categories: Humor, Non Fiction Purchase/reserch links: Amazon Goodreads LibraryThing ISBNs: 9781580084635 158008463X

Move over zombies and adolescent vampires.   There's a new threat in town--and it's only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it's here.        Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system--Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply--for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and--in the event that a secured perimeter is breached--confronting and combating the attackers at close range. Similar books: Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank by Erma Bombeck The Night the Bear Ate Goombaw by Patrick F. McManus I'll Go Home Then; It's Warm and Has Chairs by David Thorne The Amazing Mackerel Pudding Plan by Wendy McClure Don't Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings by Tyler Perry I'm a Stranger Here Myself by Deric Longden Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander The Classics Reclassified by Richard Armour Look Evelyn, Duck Dynasty Wiper Blades. We Should Get Them. by David Thorne The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances by Matthew Inman Poking A Dead Frog by Mike Sacks You Are Worthless by Scott Dikkers The Hell of it All by Charlie Brooker Whiter Shades of Pale by Christian Lander Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night by Lewis Grizzard Don't Bend Over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes by Lewis Grizzard I Can Make You Hate by Charlie Brooker Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation by Elizabeth Beckwith If Love Were Oil, I'd Be About a Quart Low by Lewis Grizzard